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  • Bipolar and Spirituality

    Posted on October 30th, 2014 admin No comments


    There is a link between super sensitivity/spirituality and bipolar and /schizophrenia in the context of hearing voices/seeing things and elevated importance(delusional thinking) or being persecuted. Past life memories or acknowledgment is not specifically mental illness clue unless it accompanies much of the above (feeling persecuted, elevated importance, hearing voices and seeing things such as aura etc).

    Two years ago I was told I was bipolar II (or Cyclothymia) and I indeed had some delusional experiences when I “found out” about my possible past life as Austin Spare. I will not specifically get into details but I will say my delusional thinking was rather oblique and mild compared to some. This however does not invalidate the realness and factual nature of reincarnation and the existence of some mental illness among its midst.

    I think what is considered to be “real” and not is often determined by idiots and charlatans. I dislike the word mental illness even as I have to accept that is unfortunately all too real. I am not taking any medication. now (only occasional sleeping pills) and I am often ostracized and criticized for this by my peers who are brainwashed by the medical establishment doing the bidding of big pharma. Having said this, I know from going to a support group that some of us need the medication just to survive and function daily.

    After, my spiritual teacher and I have parted ways I have decided to study Hermetic philosophy and naturally what followed was hermetic magic. It was a great eye opener to me but it lead me to assume some false assumptions.
    After being diagnosed I have stopped writing here and  I was now afraid of my spiritual side because, now it equated to me delusional thinking and inflated ego, both tell-tales of bipolar mania.

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  • My Reincarnation Story or writing about Austin Spare

    Posted on December 4th, 2012 admin No comments

    Finding out about my past life was both exhilarating and disturbing experience. I was never intended of seeking to find out about my past life, thinking that I most likely was a person like million other cases, an unknown, undocumented personality, whose life is hidden behind the veils of history.

    I was drawn to mysticism and magic since my late education and initiation into an obscure type of Yoga, called Agni Yoga. After my fall-out with my teacher I begun my solitary journey that eventually had lead me to Hermetic philosophy and later Chaos magic. This is when, purely as a coincidence, I have discovered Austin Osmond Spare, the Edwardian, mystic and artist.

    It must also be told that while I was born and raised in Budapest,Hungary, I was an anglophile as early as I remember. My reading and education both lead me to the English culture and literature. I have attempted to immigrate to England first and only after I was refused, I looked into emigrating to Canada or the United States.

    Austin Spare died in the Spring of 1956 and I was born in December 1956.

    Spare died of a burst appendix and while I’ve never overly concerned myself with my health, the concept of appendicitis, inexplicably has always gave me alarms. I would guess our dying leaves an imprint, a memory that sometimes stays around and can get carried over into the next incarnation.

    My life and childhood was non-typical for a Hungarian youth. I was very self-conscious and inhibited with women but I was drawn to older women for comfort and sex. This pattern is a repetition of Spare’s sex life. I never had any homosexual experience nor the inclination or curiosity but I had certain effeminate characteristics that gave out false signals and I was approached by gay men throughout my life. This is also a very Spare-like attribute.

    I loved doodling and drawing of pictures of animals and persons. My mother encouraged my artistic persuasion while my father told me that I needed to learn something I could support myself with. In addition to drawing and painting I loved cats and other animals as well. I was frequent visitor in the Zoo. To this day I am obsessed with cats.

    After discovering my past life I begun reading and studying the life and works of Austin Spare and wanted to go deeper. I wanted to know what was before Austin Spare. Who was he/us, before that time? This overactive curiosity eventually got the better of me. I stated imagining things and started actually believing them.  Of course there is no proof or definitive verdict that I was Austin Spare. I believe in my own instincts and inner guides, coupled with certain facts about me that I know, that others might consider lesser importance, would not believe the same way as I. This paper or my book is not about convincing anybody. Certain people who are predisposed against the idea of reincarnation and karma would never believe my story, no matter how much convincing I could muster. Similarly, those who are friendly towards the idea of reincarnation would find my story completely plausible and believable.

    The idea of writing a fictional story – partially based on biographical facts, largely based on imagination and the freedom of the novelist. Ideas expressed via a novel do not need to be explained, rationalized or proved. They have to be told, interestingly and with believable and well developed characters.

    Figure 1 Austin Spare as a young man.

    The Synopsis of the Novel

    “During the cold war Mihai finds himself an orphan and a new immigrant in America. When there is a shooting during their daring escape attempt on the border of Yugoslavia and Italy only Mihai manages to escape. He finds himself in America alone and without a clear purpose, playing poker and using his magic to get by. Mihai is discovering that he is also a natural magician. Through the power of his will and imagination he can conjure up cards. After a while Mihai’s skill to do magic is gradually fading and he must find work. After a series of attempts to find happiness in self-indulgence and gaining material wealth, he finally finds his purpose and solace after a chance encounter with Raphael, an old and mysterious man in Ashland, Oregon. When Raphael, who is also a spiritual teacher, reveals to Mihai that he is the reincarnated Austin Osmond Spare(AOS), the Edwardian painter and occultist. This revelation changes our protagonist forever. Researching the life and deeds of AOS leads him further into uncharted territories. When Raphael dies, before he has a chance to Initiate him, Mihai’s life again becomes disoriented. When Mihai develops insomnia he visits a therapists who hypnotizes him, from that point on, obsession, reality and the unseen world gets all tangled up. Our hero must carefully navigate between madness, magic and true enlightenment – walking the razor’s edge.”

    This serial book will be re-titled and republished as The Circle of Life: Diary of a Mystic Vagabond

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    This book is about Magic, Reincarnation and Karma while coming of age.

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